Thursday, May 19, 2016

There's Beauty in Every Day

Sometimes it's just hard to see it. Most of us are overworked, over stressed, and over tired. Some of us are dealing with extremely stressful situations; the loss of a family member, chronic pain, mental illness, financial insecurity... the list goes on. But regardless of how craptastic our lives sometimes get, there really is something beautiful to be seen every day.

Every day on my way to work I drive about an hour. Most days I can appreciate how beautiful the sky is and ignore all the factories and businesses lining the highway. Even at work, I sit here and see the bridge going over the river and the water rippling under it. Or just glancing up at night on my drive home (second shift) and seeing the stars and moon.

But I am very thankful that I have some really beautiful trails I can walk as well. Here's a couple recent pictures :).
 These first two are from the Fox River Trail. It's just an easy trail to run because it's so wide. Taking the large jogging stroller and the dog is easy when passing people.





And this one is from the East River Trail. I even got to see some people Kayaking along the river on this day. It was absolutely beautiful out. I ran four miles on the first trail, and three miles on this one. Just perfect days this past week!





I know sometimes it's difficult to find anything good in a day. Sometimes the world seems dark and horrible and sad. And sometimes it doesn't always seem worth getting out of bed in the morning, but I promise it is. Six months ago it was really really hard for me to see anything good in any day yet every day I actively tried to find something happy and beautiful. Well, I see my awesome kids and they're beautiful but something outside my own life. And looking outside our own lives to find something that shines a little bit to you really helps keep this whole thing we're doing in perspective.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Life Plans? Haha

Is there ever really a plan? I'm not so sure.

I have plans. I have plans to get in super awesome shape. I took a little over a week off with the vacation and a really excessive amount of yard work. Plan was back to it today but we had a parents group event that could NOT be missed! It was the Big Rig Gig in a city really close to us. Lil man got to "drive" semi's, a fire truck, dump truck, garbage truck, and even a police car! He had a great time climbing in and out of all the cool trucks. We missed going in the Humvee but he was way more interested in the semi's.


So tomorrow right? Back to the gym? But nope, I'm doing something way more important. Bringing my son to see his brother. I can't wait for them to have some time together! With their dad being basically absent they really don't see each other ever. It's good that my son's brother's mother wants to hang out with us too! 

Saturday night maybe. After little guy goes to bed, it's pole time for me. Put on the music and just dance. Especially now that my skin is feeling much better from last weekend! A bit burned on the belly, thighs, and chest. No peeling yet so I think I'm in the safe zone :). 

And I have plans to be financially ok. Which is sort of the case. I owe a private loan of a lot of money and a slight amount on my medical that would have been paid off first I didn't have my car break down twice in the last couple months and secondly I could have not gone on my very much needed vacation. 

And I have relationship goals. Well I've had relationship goals since I was 5. And that's probably the most significantly stressful part of life. There is one person in charge of my workout routine generally other than the small ways of activities getting in the way. There is really only one person in charge of my finances other than the unpredictable breakdowns on the car or random home repairs. But there is one thing you will never ever fully know, the mind and heart of another person. I want safety and security in a relationship. And hopefully that is how things will play out but really even after ten years with one person I thought would always be there, he left without warning. Everything can seem doable to you when the other person just wants to walk away because that's what's easier to them. I want what most people want. To wake up next to someone who loves you as much as you love them every single day. Someone who drives you nuts in all the right ways and puts up with your pet peeves and knows the little things that make you smile. Someday maybe. Until then, dating will suck and I'll keep planning my life around me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Weekend Getaway!

This past weekend was Mothers Day weekend and I'd been having a pretty stressful time about a month ago dealing with an absent father for my son so I decided we'd take a trip away to escape Wisconsin for just a bit :).


We went to Carlsbad, California. We spent a day in San Diego at the zoo and we spent a ton of time sitting next to the ocean the rest of the time! Lil Man loved the sand and the waves. He kept running from them so they wouldn't touch his toes and get his feet wet. And he climbed on the rocks pretending to be a dinosaur and named one of the rocks Petrie for his favorite Land Before Time character.

The little guy was amazing the whole time. He cried twice, when he hurt his knee and when I made him eat the lunch he asked for :). Kids, they're funny sometimes. He has been the easiest traveling companion I've ever traveled with. I don't know that I've ever met such a laid back and easy going kid. And having only a two year old to talk to I was expecting to be really burned out by that by the time we flew back and I wasn't. Did help that I have some awesome friends who texted with me on Saturday! But truly he and I were so busy just enjoying the weekend I didn't have lots of time to text or chat with friends anyway.

This was probably the best weekend I've had in months if not years! I loved my trip in September with my parents but that was before surgery where everything still hurt. This is my first pain free vacation and just being able to fully enjoy it was more than I ever expected I'd be able to do again. I was able to chase my son on the beach and run through the waves with him. At the zoo I decided to forgo a stroller and carried him on my back and shoulders when he didn't want to walk. Things I couldn't have done before. Short months ago even when I was sleeping I was still aware of being in pain. And now this, it really just makes me realize how lucky I am to have a second chance to be alive basically. And I plan to continue to enjoy my life much more and see more of the world than I have before. And I'll see the world alone if I need to, I shall not be stopped!

Here's just a couple pics of us...
At the zoo

Just before Sunset

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Pool Cleaning, Getting Ready for Summer

It's been kind of a nice week and I haven't been able to sleep in the mornings anyway so I figured I'd get a head start on cleaning the pool. It looks so pretty doesn't it! The chemicals mixing with the water made it turn a bit frothy. 

The cover is torn in so many places that it's pretty much useless so the process usually starts with scooping leaves out of the pool for about a week at least. Then adding chemicals. But it just smelled SO BAD! So I added the chemicals first and at least now it doesn't stink :). The chemicals I added I'll basically have to re-add anyway once the leaves are actually out. I usually start this a little later in May to have it opened up by the first week in June and I'm glad I started a little early. The algae isn't nearly as bad on the leaves as I'm scooping them out as it usually is. I'll be working on this thing tomorrow too. 

Thursday though, forget it! Only thing I'm doing Thursday before work is packing for my trip to San Diego! I can't wait! I'm absolutely thrilled to be going :). I wish I had someone going with me though. Next time :). The lack of adult conversation for four days is going to be rough. But the break from work and home is much needed! Last night was absolutely awful at work. I kind of never wanted to return... 

I haven't made it to the gym at all this week. It's been too nice outside to want to be indoors. I'll probably be taking off the rest of the week at the gym too and start back up once I'm back from San Diego. I'll start my new routine then since I'm kind of bored with this one already :(. I'll do a six day per week plan with three days indoors and three days outdoors with no set day each so it'll depend on the weather. One day will probably be swimming instead of three like I've been doing since week six post op unless my pool ever gets warm enough for me to swim in the back yard!




Friday, April 29, 2016

Long Week About to End!

This week has been super long it seems. I've been a bit overwhelmed and stressed about the situation with my son's dad. I missed the gym twice this week. And I just feel so tired. I'm eating fine and drinking a ton of water but I think the stress and uncertainty are taking their toll a bit more this week than usual.

I didn't do my 15 week post op post since I had something more important to say and probably wont do the weekly updates anymore since I'm pretty much feeling like I never had surgery for the past couple weeks. I feel amazing! Well, I am amazing if I do say so myself ;). And other than the weight limit there's nothing really to update and even that will be a long time before there's any change.

I'm looking into what to do for my following six weeks after I finish this program in two weeks. I'd kind of like to do some jump training. I feel like this six weeks should be done already! Not that I'm bored with it because how can one ever get bored of kettlebells? I like that part pretty much best. Just has been a few very busy and very emotionally difficult few weeks. Seeing Kara, personal relationship issues, and then the situation with my son's dad. The next six weeks better be much better than the last six weeks!

Nothing to exciting going on at home. Bathroom was the last big project and now I can relax for a bit before figuring out how much the next one will cost me. And thankfully that project is not inside my house! So it'll be a much cleaner project. Well, two projects; the gutters and then repairing the porch roof.

I'm hoping for a fun filled weekend with friends and a bit of family :).

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Being a Parent

This past Friday I was home with my son. A cute 2 1/2 year old little boy. It was my spring cleaning day and I was cleaning the spare room. The room my sons dad used to use when he lived with us.

My lil guy was in there with me and found something his dad had left behind and said "this is daddy's". He wanted to keep it so since it was breakable we hung it from a nail in his wall in his room. After we hung it up  he started crying and asked when he was going to see his daddy. It was completely heartbreaking. I didn't have an answer for him. The only thing I can tell him is I don't know. Because I don't. I have no idea when his dad will decide that he feels an inclination to see his son.

After he started crying he wanted to go sit in the room that his dad used to stay in. So there we were on the bed in the spare room, my little guy still crying and me hugging him telling him it was ok and rubbing his tiny little back. He calmed down after a little bit and I asked him if he wanted to go play. He said he wanted his cars and he wanted to stay in the room. So I brought him his two cars and he wouldn't leave the room. He just sat there on the bed, still sad but no more tears, playing with his cars.

I've tried to get his dad to see him regularly. He refuses. He tells me I just need to "work with him". You can't work with someone who is basically completely absent. My son needs his dad no matter what kind of person his dad is. And I think it's horrible that all his dad sees is my son's excitement when he finally sees his dad and doesn't have to see the tears in between when he doesn't come around for months. The long gaps and the sudden visits are the most horrible thing his dad can do to him. His dad lives less than 40 min from us and I'd be more than willing to bring him one way or even both just so my son could be happy. But his dad needs to "get his life together" he says and then he'll be ready to see his son. Parenting doesn't work that way. You're a parent whether your life is 100% perfect or 100% a mess or somewhere in between. You don't get to pick anymore.


 
 
 
3/24/2018
Update on this post.
My lil guy sees his dad every other weekend now. From Friday till Sunday late afternoon. To get this agreement I waived child support. My son's wellbeing is more important than any dollar amount. Some days are rough, paying for all his expenses without assistance, but I'll manage. His dad is still difficult to work with but hopefully as this guy gets older he'll step up to bringing him to swimming lessons and sports practices and games. So far as long as I don't ask his dad to do anything other than spend time with him that he sometimes sleeps through, everything is fine. There's no bedtime there and structure sucks. I worry while they're together but my son no longer cries because Daddy didn't show up. It's about as much progress as can be made. 


Friday, April 15, 2016

Little Girls Room

Throw back, found these pictures and had to share them :). 

Over the course of about 40 hours I did this room, first I painted everything white, then I used painters tape to make the grid. Then I painted white over the painters tape to seal it well so the other colors wouldn't bleed through under the tape. 

Then I used a notebook to make a template of the squares to randomly place colors where they wouldn't be same color next to each other. Painted all those and then finally eventually was able to remove the tape. Still needs the crown molding though! I've since repainted the room to re-purpose as a guest room and it still doesn't have the crown molding :). Now it needs to be repainted anyway because it's my son's room and he needs boy colors in there. 

Things I'd change if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably paint three walls a solid color and use only three colors for the squares. Four walls of squares is time consuming AND a little busy. But my daughter loved it for a lot of years. 





Thursday, April 14, 2016

Two Days of Bad Workouts

Yesterday was my swimming day and the water was so warm. I could barely do the tempo swims, my return lap was 23-24. Usually it's closer to 19-20, 21 max when I get tired toward the end. So halfway through the mile I switched and just did some sidestroke and backstroke.

Today was weight lifting day and I just couldn't do it. I got in there and did the first half of the weight lifting and just felt too drained to do the other half. I think I didn't drink enough water yesterday. I feel just more tired than I should because I slept well last night so probably lack of fluids. Upping the fluids today and I'm going to try to do the rest of what I missed this morning for the weights and then get my mile tempo swim in. That and I'm still mildly emotional, had to make another tough decision regarding my personal life and that's weighing on me today too besides the lingering emotions from the past weekend.

My work life however is about to improve! There was a meeting yesterday and I'm switching to days, which we knew since last September but I am apparently irreplaceable ;). But finally my replacement is here, still a student, and still will need to be trained on my shift. By June 27th it sounds like she should be taking over my shift if all goes as planned. And I can't wait! Days!!! It'll be a huge change for me and I have a pretty set morning schedule so reorganizing my day will be interesting. After over 5 years on this shift I feel like it's changing my entire lifestyle to switch to days. That and with switching my personal relationships may become more involved. Working the same shift as my family, meeting with them at night, I expect to be much busier. Now when I want to go to the gym everyone's working so no one is asking to see me or hang out. That will change with this. It'll be nice to see friends more hopefully that I've not been able to see very regularly for awhile though! And I'll just have to utilize my basement more for my weight lifting workouts after my little man goes to bed.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

14 Weeks Already?! And Adoption

I don't even know where the last week went. Seriously I jumped from 12-13-14 without really noticing it! Training plan is at a standstill for weights basically. I'm at where I'll be for a little bit.

Quick update, everything's great :). Right paraspinals are still getting occasionally sore and some mild right sacroilliac irritation but that's much better after seeing my Sports Chiropractor Guy the past two Mondays. Not much change from week 13 so lets get to the rest of my life!

Missed the gym a couple times in the past week, family time comes first. I had my biological daughter this weekend. I am a biological mother in an open adoption. In Wisconsin open adoptions are not legally binding. When I birthed my daughter and placed her into the arms of another mother I had to hope that they would keep up with what they agreed to. And they have gone above and beyond that.

For the past couple years twice a year I've had my biological daughter in my home overnight WITHOUT her parents! Yes, you read that right. I can truthfully say I've never heard of this situation with minor adoptees happening with any of the other biological or adoptive parents that I associate with. Having all my kids under one roof is emotionally overwhelming. It's truly amazing and surreal and at the same time very sad. I know the next day she goes home, to her parents. Her real parents, the one's that raised her and taught her all she knows and took care of her when she got hurt and sick. I've missed those things and seeing her in my home reminds me of the things I never got to do with her. That pain of that reminder is no where near the joy of seeing her laugh and smile and drive her big sister crazy and chase her little brother around the house. I am very grateful that I get to have these moments with her. She got to chill with  her cousins too and hang with the grandparents. She met her paternal grandfather for the first time.

It usually takes me a couple days to emotionally recover from seeing her, even when we didn't keep her overnight. Not just because I'm sad, but because I'm happy too. I know that she is who she is because of the decision all her parents made nearly 12 years ago. Us and them. They chose this path as did we and we share an amazing little girl because of it.



No More Pictures Mom!!


Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Post Op 13 Weeks!

The usual weekly update...

Brief history, microdiscectomy on L5-S1 for a 1.5 cm herniation and bulging disc on Jan 5 of this year.

The tempo swims are going awesome. I'm getting the half lap back done in 20 seconds or less typically. I really hope for an awesome under 30 minute mile when I do my next mile swim for time. I would need to shave about 7 seconds per lap to do that and I think that will be very close to do-able :).

The weights are going well. The SHELCS are killing my hamstrings and my balance still isn't great coming back down from those but I'll get there. The hip weakness on the right makes the balance a bit off. It's really close, close enough on the step ups and doing pretty much everything else, but trying to lower my booty back to the ground when doing those requires pretty good control with both hips equally. That is not yet the case.

Continuing with the 40 lb assist on the pullup/dips but soon I'll be upping from three sets of six to three sets of eight.

And kettlebells, day one I had a couple kettlebell kisses but it'd been months since I did snatches. Since the first day no more bruised wrists!

I'm running two miles now, it's difficult definitely but last nights two mile run was much easier than the mile and a half last week. I might also be better hydrated, really trying to keep up on that particularly when running after work.

Other random things I'm down a full 14 lbs since my surgery. To go to what I've always considered my "normal" is now only 5-7 lbs away (varied day to day by those couple pounds). Very exciting! I'll be trying on the clothes I have stored very soon! My wonderful sister will be telling me what to keep and what to toss. She's awesome!

I've still had a little bit of lower back pain, still I think lingering from the shoveling the other day. But much MUCH improved and now not so bad in the mornings, only after I start doing things. I thought maybe it was the running, but last night running made absolutely no difference so shoveling it must have been. I could really go for an awesome massage though! Really miss those.


Friday, April 1, 2016

Weekend!

It's going to be an insanely busy one but I'm excited for it anyway!

By the end of this weekend my bathroom WILL be done. At any cost, even if I don't sleep at all. Sort of like last weekend. I'm also meeting my bff for dinner Saturday and stopping by my sisters. Sunday meeting someone new and we'll see how that goes.

I didn't manage to get my second tempo swim of the week done today, exhaustion set in and I spent my morning watching cartoons with the little man on the couch. Tomorrow though after bringing my car to the shop I'll be heading to the gym. Thankfully it's in walking distance! And I'll be hoping it doesn't take all day to get finished. Or too expensive. My San Diego trip needs my cash not by car!

I missed my run last night too, my mile and a half. So I'll be doing that after work tonight. I ended up getting out of work about 40 min late. And that 40 min is a huge difference when working second shift till 11pm. But then I stayed up too late watching netflix in bed on my phone. Working on the Daredevil season two.

Tonight my run and depending on how tired I am, get caught up on some housecleaning for a few minutes. At least get the dishes done and the living room vacuumed would be a good start.

And my lower back is feeling much better tonight. Since the heavy snow this past Thursday it's been a bit sore. A whole week later and finally mostly relief :).

I hope you all have a good weekend too. I'll hopefully be less tired for my next update and have something worthwhile to talk about!

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

12 Weeks Post Op

And the general update, mild low back pain this past couple days but thinking it's because of the bathroom project and doing a lot of leaning forward while cutting and laying the floor to fit.

I did some research as well as met with a Sports Medicine Chiropractor about the weight lifting. He said at the 12 week point he's ok with me upping the weights about 10% when I increase them. The research I was doing says generally that when the scar on the outside of the body turns white then the scars on the inside on the annulus will be as healed as they're going to be, too. Online recommendations say to stay with no more than 50 lbs with weight lifting until that point. So I'm going to play it safe and even though the sports med guy said it's safe now. I'm going to stick with more single leg lifts like the split squats on this current routine so I can lift that weight for longer and still build strength. 

This week I'm allowed to run a mile and a half. I broke it up last night into three half mile's taking a minute or two between. Tomorrow night I'll do a full mile and then Saturday a full mile and a half. I figure the middle run each week I'll do at the prior week's distance. As I increase distance I'll have to adjust for a short run mid week anyway. 

Awesome news, I got my swim suits in the mail today! I can put the faded one in the bottom of the bin and the stretched out one in the garbage. Hoping these two hold up well and if they do, I'll be buying from the same company online again. They fit great. Final test will be how well the straps hold up in the water. And I can't wait for the two bikini's I ordered to arrive for my vacation :). Here they are!

Monday, March 28, 2016

Bathroom Remodel

Busy weekend this past weekend!

I had two events to attend Saturday as well as my usual appointment with the gym. Got home and after putting the little man to bed decided to paint the walls. Then the next morning I had a friend help pick up my flooring and then before meeting family for Easter I put up the mirrors and lights.

Meeting family for Easter was at a buffet where I ate WAY more than I should. Healthy options mostly though! Then off to the store for a few things and back home I decided to work on the pattern for the flooring. Little guy was really helpful by stepping on the paper I was trying to tape together for my pattern :). Got it downstairs and taped it to the sheet vinyl I'd purchased. Cut it to the pattern and then got my little dude down for bed. Once he was sleeping, put the floor in. Not nearly as hard as tile. About as easy as carpet with backing already attached. Lots of clean up left to do and the toilet is still in my garage... Also need to do the baseboards yet so that'll be next weekend if all goes as planned. Then maybe I can get caught up on cleaning my house!

Here's the before, when I decided I had to take a sledgehammer to the damn custom shower that I couldn't stand...

And here's a couple after:



I started the tempo swim training in the gym today. Six weeks without a mile time to check is going to be hard! Well, I did a mile, but with the tempo training it's 1.5 laps breast stroke, half lap back all out front crawl. I was making it to the other side of the pool consistently in 20 seconds or so. I'll up the front crawl as my lungs and strength accommodate the all out pace I'm doing. That'll be every Monday. Wednesday is water aerobics and Friday is the next tempo day though I'll be mixing it up a little. Half lap breast stroke, half lap front crawl for form- so a slower pace. Then half lap breast stroke and half lap all out front crawl. I don't want to decrease my stroke length or sacrifice form for more strokes per second. 

Friday, March 25, 2016

San Diego!

I've got my trip booked, going to San Diego for an extremely reasonable price in a few weeks! Can't wait! I've been wanting to go for at least 5 years. Planned with people and it always fell through. Well, I'm going! Me and my little guy are going to see the ocean and have a relaxing few days away from home.

I know I have other things I should be spending my money on. Or saving it. I've kind of come to realize every time I get caught up something else happens or there's another project. So, all future projects are on hold and I'm going to take my trip! And after my trip I'll worry about the financial repercussions. I can afford it but I don't like having debt. And I don't have a credit card so this is all being bankrolled by yours truly. I really should get a credit card for the trip though. Just in case I need one for rentals or other things. I don't want much of a limit. My current credit cards are store cards and gas cards with the gas card having the highest balance I'm sure. They all get paid off monthly but this month, I'm thinking it'll be a minimum payment month so I have extra cash for the trip. Only big debts I have is my house and a consolidation loan and I know I can get caught up on the rest of the cards pretty quickly if I don't take on any more large household projects and my car doesn't break down again!

In preparation for this trip I'll be switching to a fairly strict Paleo eating plan. I've always cheated with an ounce of cheese on my salads and that wont change. I'd really like to be as fit as I'm able if I'm going to be wearing a bikini for 3 days. My workout is also changing. I was supposed to switch next Tuesday but now that I have the new plan I'm too excited to wait and I'm switching tomorrow to my new plan.

New Plan:
3 days per week
Super Set 1: Side Lunges and Bulgarian split squats 3 sets 8 reps
Super Set 2: Incline press and Upright Rows 3 sets 8 reps
Super Set 3: Pull ups and Dips on the assist machine with 40 lbs assist 3 sets 6 reps.

Then off to the Kettlebell for 5 min of Get-ups. Then three ladders 5-4-3-2-1 of KB snatches. Because that's what my rant was all about the other day :).

Swimming x3 days per week. Monday and Friday tempo swims and Wednesday an easy swim or water aerobics.

Monday and Thursday after work running. Wednesday after work Pole Dance Party! And Friday after work Boxing. And one last run on Saturday.

Sunday and Wednesday are my "rest" days. Technically Tuesday evening till Wednesday evening is rest other than the super easy swim. And my Sunday will include Total Yoga by Gaiam.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

The Snatch

This post, all about my old friend the kettlebell. A bit of back history, a girl I had in classes has a husband who is a personal trainer. I demonstrated KB swings, snatches, cleans and presses, TGU’s, and stuff a while back. Apparently her hubby (who has never as far as I understand picked up a KB) feels that kettlebells are dangerous, particularly the snatch because of the “risk” of hyperextension.
So, here I am to say that a kettlebell snatch is safe and quite unlikely to cause hyperextension. In fact, in my half hour internet search I couldn’t find one documented (or even commented in passing) case of hyperextension of the shoulder with a snatch. My classmates husband decided he didn’t like them because of a description she gave of the KB snatch. A mere description of an exercise is really not a good way to decide safety. As a former physical therapist assistant myself, I’m a tad disappointed that a person would decide KB snatches are unsafe without any research of a quite well versed exercise. The KB snatch has been around for centuries. I think it’s going on it’s three hundredth year. If they were so very unsafe, I think by now we’d have a quite a bit of evidence to prove that.
Why is a snatch safe? Well, any exercise can be unsafe, just use weight that’s too heavy for you to control (like a guy who did an overhead press with a barbell, dropped it on himself and snapped his upper arm in half). The kettlebell snatch doesn’t  pose much risk of breaking the humerus in the arm. If a person can’t control the bell, the best thing to do is let go of the handle. Unlike other weights, because of the swinging motion, it’s unlikely to drop down onto your arm if you let go. 
In fact, I accidentally let go once and it flew about 8 ft then bounced off a wall and landed on my tiled floor. Being made of iron, yes it did break the tile. But I was unhurt :). 
With the snatch, if the arm were to start to hyperextend letting go is option one. But the chance of hyperextension is nearly non existent in my mind. First of all, when swinging the bell up to snatch it, there is a slight bend in the elbow at the top of the arc. Hard to hyperextend the shoulder when the upper arm is not more than perpendicular to the body. That’s only 90 degree’s of 180 degrees of normal extension. Once the upper arm is about perpendicular to the body, instead of continuing the swing, the arm shoots upward as if punching toward the ceiling. Again hard to hyperextend when the arm is shooting upward and not arcing backward.
So, in closing, the kettlebell snatch doesn’t pose much (if any) risk of hyperextension. So, snatch away :)

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Snowing Again

So I live in Wisconsin. Which means one day it's 60 degrees and the next we're having a blizzard. Yay!

What that really means for me is that the schools will probably be closed in my area which means no childcare at the gym. What to do with the little person? I'll be working out at home I'm sure. I have all I need to do my full workout at home. Just takes longer because the lil man gets underfoot and wants to play. He has his own area in the basement but he wants to play with me and lift weights with me and hit the boxing bag with me too.

Which on another note, I ordered kid boxing gloves for my lil guy and a blow up boxing bag. It should be here in about another week and then he can box with me and hopefully wont be so bored during my workouts. Working out with him when he was smaller was easy. Just toss him in his play area and he'd happily play alone. Now though, he's at the age he wants someone to be playing with him. I'll give him tons of attention before hand and hope I can get my workout done in an hour and a half.

I'm considering at week 12 to also switch to a mostly paleo eating plan. The food in my house is basically this anyway so it wont be too much of a change. I'll miss my occasional donut and my tortilla chips. My "cheat" will be one ounce of cheese a day just like last time. And last time I never cut the Diet Pepsi. This time, that will be gone too. I was an addict, seriously. The Diet Pepsi was at 3 Liters a day at one point. At the end of last year even it was still close to 2 liters a day. Now I have one soda a day but not even every day anymore. It's time to cut it completely except for family gatherings and going out to dinner.

Hoping for a good drive home tonight in the foot of snow!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

11 Weeks Today

And 11 weeks means I'm allowed to run a mile now! So after midnight last night I did a mile.


My time, for my first post surgical mile and first mile I've done since September of 2015, was 13:04. Hard to see, since I was at home and it was late and I have very poor lighting in my living room. I used to run a mile in about 9 minutes pushing a stroller before the pain got too bad. I'm really hoping to be able to cut my mile time down to about 8 minutes or better. If my running is anything like the swimming, I'll be killing my previous records soon enough. 

My next run will be the Bellin 10k. I'll be allowed to run 6 miles at once just before that since I'm increasing my runs by half a mile per week as advised by my doctor. It was hard waiting this long to run a full mile but I know my long term health is more important. 

General how I feel update. At 11 weeks I'd barely know I had surgery. I feel great. My hips are nearly even in strength with the step ups to the point that the difference is barely noticeable. My flexibility is improving slowly. Before stretching would do the opposite, it would irritate nerves and make me tighter. I'm working on getting the right as flexible as my left but still both need a lot of work to be where I used to be. My hamstrings are still pretty tight generally. Weight lifting is going well, still at 20 lb dumb bells this week. Once I can go up to the 25 lbs next week my legs might be able to feel it a bit better. Just doing the high reps with the low weights till I get there. There is still some mild pulling with stretching at the incision site. After the initial pulling I can do the yoga as they're meant to be done. The incision sometimes itches. The other muscle imbalance I had was the paraspinal muscles along the right side. Though with some of the exercises I do they become sore, they are no more sore than the muscles along the left side. So, I'd have to say they have evened out in strength! I couldn't be happier about having done my surgery. There is no lingering leg issues. The hip pain is gone. There is occasional mild low back pain more often depending on sitting too long and leaning forward at my desk than any of the activities I've been doing. No regrets!

Another swimming PR!



From ONLY a week ago I've cut 3:04 minutes from my previous personal record. That is over three minutes!!! In one week! Super crazy excited about that. I checked my laps repeatedly to make sure I didn't double click and it all checks out. Best lap was a mere 58 seconds for 1/33 of a mile. This will be my last PR for a while. The following six week program that I start next week will be working more on speed drills and form. I have no idea how I did that well compared to the following week. The stars must have been perfectly aligned. And I was quite happy that morning despite only 5 hours of sleep the night before. I completely shocked myself. I'm still having trouble believing it, but yep, I did it :).

I had my nieces over the weekend. Two awesome girls who I don't get to see as much as I'd like. The older one may have been a little bored since there's an 8 year age gap. Hard to find something all three are interested in doing. We went to feed the ducks at the wildlife reserve near me and then wandered through the learning area of the sanctuary. None of them would go down the slide :(. With a possible change in my shift at work hopefully I will be seeing them more. I'd really like to be more involved with them. And I'm hoping I can take them for a long weekend this summer sometime. Get them all some time away and my sister and her husband can hopefully celebrate her upcoming graduation from the nursing program.

Congrats Sister and Brother in Law on your ten years of marriage! Remember the first 4 decades are the hardest...

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Rolling Like a Ball!

Today I was at the gym doing my ending yoga and Pilates stuff and one of the things I used to do is the move where you roll like a ball. I was having lots of trouble doing this because of the pulling in the scar tissue. Today I could do it! No pulling!

Just the little things :).

And I must find a new weight lifting routine soon. It's been crazy busy at work these past two weeks but I was really hoping to flip through some of my old books (like New Rules of Lifting) to get some routine ideas while at work.

More exciting things, after the gym I took up the rest of the floor in the bathroom. The bathroom is going to be skim coated tomorrow and hopefully I can paint this weekend after the little is in bed. The new floor is ordered and hopefully that will come in soon. Can't wait till it's finished!


Tuesday, March 15, 2016

10 Weeks Today!

Surgery was ten weeks ago at about 11 am. It's so hard to believe that this is me from who I was ten weeks ago! Things are amazing still. Well, of course they are, I can walk again without pain :).

Since week nine only big change, I am allowed to run again. Half mile this week and I can up that by a half mile a week. I did my first half mile last night after work. I tried at 5.0 mph and I was shocked I couldn't do it. Why I was surprised, no idea. I guess just because everything else is going so well I thought I would just fall right back into running. I bumped it down to a 4.6 mph pace at the 1 incline. That I could do. Finished up my half mile with barely a sweat despite the perceived difficulty level. I'll be running a half mile again on Wednesday and Thursday this week.

At the gym I'm up to 20 lb dumb bells as of today. I feel slightly less wimpy now that I can at least squat a total of 40 lbs. But still...

Yesterday also more good things. I was planning on an easy swim since I was working on tearing up my bathroom floor and had some help taking down the rest of the glue over the weekend. The floor is not done, but what I did was hard work anyway. So yesterday was going to be just a relaxing swim. By lap ten of my mile swim I saw that my time was actually pretty decent so figured I'd go for it for my last 23 laps. And I killed my last PR by 29 seconds! Even though for the first ten laps I wasn't even trying :).

I'm really happy with how I feel physically. Emotionally since surgery I am so much happier. Just life seems good again. I wish I would have done this years ago rather than waiting as long as I did.

Now just for everything to align perfectly at work since one position was filled and one is still vacant. I'd just like to be on a general day shift eventually and that at least is looking like it might happen. As long as no one else retires or leaves!


Friday, March 11, 2016

Another Awesome Day

Last night when I got home from work I had too much energy. So I turned on Pandora and got into my short shorts and a tank top and the no show socks (because you need the top of your feet free of sock). And I rocked out dancing with my pole for a good 40 minutes. It was awesome! And I do have bruises on the tops of my feet from gripping the pole. They don't hurt though :). Really working on the tucks because I'd really like to be able to do my first invert end of this month or beginning of next. But OMG do the muscles by my ribs and shoulders hurt! And my abs! From keeping my body horizontal to the ground I'm sure with all those tucks. By the time I turned off the Pandora, I'd already meet my activity goal for the day too. Quick rinse and off to bed feeling pretty awesome.

And then this morning, a nice slow swim. Monday I'll try to beat my record and hopefully even come in at under 38 minutes for a mile. But Fridays, just slow and steady with lots of breast stroke today. The water was perfect until the end of my swim when some guy jumps in to share my lane and starts talking to me while wearing BOXER BRIEFS as swim trunks! Dude... No. I told him I was done so he could have the full lane and finished my stretches, then he asked to race me doing laps. Seriously. I'm not sure if he was drunk or high or what, but he was not right in the head. Or maybe he was attempting to flirt and I just thought he was being creepy. Or maybe he is creepy because boxer briefs in the pool...

With the soreness tonight I'll go home and just finish up putting the laundry away and the other usual nighttime stuff before bed. When I wake up tomorrow it's another morning at the gym with my 15 lb dumbbells. Next week I can up to 20, for a total of 40 lbs! My legs will finally be able to feel the workout maybe at 40 lbs.

Meeting with my family tomorrow late afternoon for my nieces dance recital. Then hoping for a quick bite to eat with them before heading home and getting to the exciting task of finishing my glue removal. Getting there.

Hoping for a beautiful weekend for all of us! See you next week :).


Wednesday, March 9, 2016

9 Weeks Yesterday!

It was a super busy night at work but I really wanted to post on the week marks. Yesterday was week nine since my microdiscectomy at level L5-S1. It's been 5 weeks since I've been back to work and 3 weeks back in the gym.

How are things going? Work, well I'm already sick of being back! I love my job though, truly. I have an amazing job and work with great people. Really can't ask for more. Except maybe for everyone to NOT get sick at the same time. Space it out people!

And in the gym, things are going fantastic! I'm swimming a mile a couple days a week and the water aerobics on Wednesday. On Wednesday I do a ton of leg stuff in the water to help balance my hip strength. My right hip was significantly weaker when I first started out in the gym. Today, I have no more pain in my gluteus while working out or after and the muscle fatigue sets in about 80% of the way through the workout in the right hip and thigh rather than at the beginning of my workout. My right is still weaker, however it's probably close to 80% strength of my left hip and thigh now.

The weight lifting, I'm lifting my 15 lb dumbells (total of 30 lbs) yet this week. Doing lots of step ups as well after my weight lifting routine below, copied from my earlier post when I returned to blogging :)

For this first 6 weeks, Super set 1: wide squats, narrow squats, and deadlifts. 
Super set 2: Bench press and chest fly's. 
Super set 3: Split squat, shoulder press, and overhead tricep extension (with just one dumb bell for that last one). All at 15 reps of two sets. 
Then of course the pull up/dip station (changed to a 55 lb assist from 70)
 After that over to the stepper and doing boring boring step ups forward, backward, lateral. 
Those are also all 2 sets of 15 reps. 

My routine as above is going for this week and an additional two weeks after that. Week 12 I'll probably steal a routine from New Rules of Lifting (the men's version). Next week I'm very excited about something. I GET TO RUN AGAIN!!!! So my plan is to add in a half mile of running on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I start an hour later at work those days so it'll be easier to run with the extra time. 

I really can't wait to start running again and registration just opened for my first half that I'm doing in September. I need to register for that as well as for my 10k in June. It really is awesome to have my body back. I had it taken away for so long with the pain and now, just the absolute joy I feel waking up in the morning, it's pretty great. 

Monday, March 7, 2016

Another Weekend Gone

But not wasted!

My kitchen chairs arrived Thursday so Friday when I got home from work I finished assembling them. So nice to have actual kitchen chairs since I sawed off the legs of a table to make it short enough for my kitchen (it was the counter height previously). And I only bought that table to get the chairs they refused to sell without the table. So it was a craft table until I hated my kitchen table and gave it away because I couldn't look at it for one more moment. Then I had no table and no chairs in my kitchen. Some days are like that, I just dislike something and one day I wake up and decide I'm done. Irrevocably. And that glass topped table, I hated that thing. And the awful custom tile shower I sledgehammered. Couldn't do one more day.

One of my friends came and kept me company Saturday night while I removed glue from my bathroom walls. I managed to only have 5 steam burns from the steamer. Calling that a win! And came off much better than with the chemical remover. I have about four hours of wallpaper glue removal left I think. It's a boring process and wish I had more friends to hang with while I did the rest. My little guy helped by watching and sitting on the step ladder ;). He's too cute! Overall, about 6 hours Saturday night, another 4 hours on Sunday. Getting there! Next weekend finishing that and ripping up the floor. Big plans!

And made it to the gym Saturday for an amazing workout. After the workout I brought Lil Man into the pool with me. He had a great time splashing and playing and jumping off the edge and into my arms. No one else was in there so we weren't disturbing any lap swimmers :). Visited my aunt as well and even managed to clean my car.

Sunday had my dad and daughter over for dinner. Cajun chicken linguni. No where near as good as what they serve at Red Lobster, but it'll do :). Lil Man loved playing with Big Sister, he was waiting for her to get done with work all day long. Dad fixed the J channels for the mirrors in the bathroom before dinner too. So much to do yet in there... Then finally everyone left at almost 11pm and I was able to take MY first bath in the bathtub! Very enjoyable!



This morning I did a mile in the pool, it was very busy. Two per lane and when doing the side stroke and breast stroke sometimes the person on the inside of the lane, their foot goes under the line and onto the other side. Really happens ALL THE TIME. I've been kicked more times than I can count. It happens in a small lap pool like that. Today, I was doing the side stroke facing away from the center line. The guy on the other side was a really quiet swimmer and with the side stroke, I couldn't see him. I ended up kicking him 3 times. At the end of the lane when we were both there I apologized, because well, crap happens but still nice to say sorry. And he goes into this tirade of how I should be more careful and that I could kick someone in the head and that he knows it's not his fault because he was on his side of the line and that I kicked him 5 times (It was 3!) and I need to have more control of my swimming... 

Jerk, I said sorry. Move on. And yeah, predominantly my fault because I did kick him. But I am NOT an uncontrolled swimmer! When I hear someone close (or see them if I can see them), I minimize my kick until we pass, that minimizing is restrictive and less controlled. And when someone is doing the breast stroke on the other side of the line and I'm swimming, I watch for them too. He clearly was not making any effort to avoid being kicked. Can't see you, quiet swimmer so can't hear you... So, yeah. And I was making a ton of effort to attempt to avoid him. In all the miles of swimming I've done he's the only person I've kicked more than once and I very VERY rarely kick anyone. I'm more often kicked than the one kicking people. He was new to the pool, well I haven't seen him before anyway. But I can guarantee that if he doesn't also make an effort to avoid being kicked, he's going to get kicked by more than just me :). And I'll feel vindicated!

No dating life to update. Thinking if I don't accidentally meet someone at Menards in the next few months, maybe after my half marathon and Tough Mudder in September and October, and hopefully a trip to Florida or San Diego in October, then when that's all done, I might consider re-opening a dating profile. Maybe. Or maybe not. I really don't want to do random dating. I want to like someone and have it just happen. But well, where would I meet someone? Wait around in the veggie area at the store for a guy carrying a basket instead of pushing a cart? Has to be veggies, want a healthy guy. Basket implies single. Or ask a guy at Menards to help fix something? You'd think a guy fixing his own place would at least be generally stable. Eh, someday... 

Thursday, March 3, 2016

In My Own Head

Just some random thoughts tonight, I swim about 3 times a week for about a mile. That ends up being about two and a half hours a week with basically no noise. I don't have the sweet headphones for underwater and really kind of like the silence. Silence is divine some days.

While swimming I've decided I'm not nuts ;). If I can spend that long every week inside my own head without distractions I'm either perfectly sane or too crazy to know it. I'm leaning toward sane since nothing else in my life is particularly crazy.

When I clean at home I should not listen to music either. I ended up dancing with my broom for an hour the other night... and the floor did NOT get swept! Then I realized I had spent an hour dancing with a broom. Maybe that puts me in the crazy category? Or not. Maybe everyone dances with their broom?

And when at the gym, they always have music. And sometimes my song comes on and I want to dance. Which is Not Cool in the gym anyway. I do love to dance :). Maybe my son will love to dance, my daughter doesn't. I should add dancing to my criteria for my future possible boyfriend. Dancing should almost be a dealbreaker. However at the gym, it is frowned upon to dump the weights and start jamming out.

And today my son had his first bath at home!!!! You may remember my previous post about showering my son because we had no bathtub? Well, now we have a bathtub and he loved it! I can't wait for my turn :). With a book, a wine cooler, and candles.




Ok, think that's all my random thoughts for tonight. It's been a crazy busy night at work, took me all night to write this, but it's a good day. I might do some dancing when I get home yet, work on my vertical barre routine (to be pc apparently that's how you're supposed to say pole dance fitness). 

Have a good night world!

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

You're Stronger Than You Think You Are

I was talking to a patient last night at work who is in a domestic situation. Verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation. And cheating. He's classic, tells her she should be grateful. I've heard those same things myself. He's not violent physically so she's not seeing it for what it is, abuse.

She was having trouble talking about what's going on at home, trying to justify his actions. She's a smart girl, putting herself through college. Had her first young like I did. I saw too much of myself in her. And I'm sure she feels stuck having 3 kids (two older and one toddler) to take care of, the youngest being his. I could practically see it. I shared briefly my situation and she opened up a ton more about hers. I can see her reluctance to leave. She's in the cycle and she can't see clearly yet. I think this one will, I think she'll get out. I just wish it was ethical to just hug a patient and tell her she can do this and she's stronger than she thinks she is. Well, I did tell her that part. And told her abuse isn't always physical. And just because it's not as bad as someone else's situation doesn't make what he's doing ok either.

Women in the cycle of abuse have tons of ways to justify. He's not always like that. He's having a bad day. He's not as bad as my friend/sister/random strangers husband. The kids need him. There's a million excuses to stay.

I have good family support, but they can only do so much. And most of us lie to our families for so long to make it not seem so bad. Leaving an abusive situation takes more strength and determination than most people realize. And I left it when I was barely able to walk. And the first time I left him he seemed like he got his life together and I took him back. I hadn't fully broken free from the cycle. I see that now. And this girl hasn't either. She is strong, and she is smart, and seems pretty damn amazing if you ask me in the brief time I was able to spend with her. She realizes the relationship is not good. I knew mine was toxic. I feel very hopeful for her.

As I was leaving her room she said "You seem so strong". I told her that I wasn't strong because I want to be, but because I have to be.

I spent years with an emotionally absent husband in a sexless marriage then spent a couple more with a controlling, manipulative narcissist. I've only over the last two years really learned what healthy relationships are and are not thanks to a great awesome group of ladies online. I actually thought my emotionally absent husband and I had a good marriage... Maybe you ladies read my blog, maybe you don't, but thank you all so much. You have no idea how much even just reading helped me. And I hope that as I meet patients in a situation like I was in I can give them the same encouragement and hope for a good future that I now have. I am happy with my life and I just want the same for these girls (and guys as well) who have yet to break free.

Monday, February 29, 2016

Recovery Muscle Soreness is NORMAL

Busy weekend this past weekend. My dad came over and we got all the debris out of the bathroom and I cleaned my garage. Tossed a bunch of stuff in the dumpster before the guys putting in my tub have it picked up. Then I removed a bit of wallpaper glue (wallpaper is down). Sunday the Wildlife Center and some more glue removal.

And my back muscles are sore. I know I just had surgery less than 8 weeks ago, I get this and completely understand it. Most of this soreness is just general I haven't used these muscles properly in years kind of pains. The hard part is knowing what kind of pain is actually "normal". And when I'm overdoing things. It's been so long since I've had "normal" pain and I'm not sure that I recognize it well. This weekend was good because I know that everything I did was within acceptable lifting ranges and this should be considered "normal".

I have to know that I don't have to be terrified that every time I have soreness that I've re-injured myself, because I haven't. I have to know that when I say something hurts (like my erector spinae muscles that were ruthlessly pulled aside during surgery) that other people will worry that I'm somehow damaged again and I'm not. When in reality those muscles are just gaining strength again and like any muscle gaining strength I'm going to feel muscle soreness. You feel it in your biceps after doing a trillion bicep curls, I'll feel it where my muscles are weaker and are still gaining strength too. It's the normal process of building strength and muscle regardless of the location of the muscle.

I'm not damaged and doing normal everyday things will not suddenly damage me. I can ride my bike this summer and lean forward while dragging the bike trailer behind for my little guy. I'll soon be able to run/jog again. And hell, tonight I'm going home and doing some kickboxing on my heavy bag even though I swam a mile this morning (And new PR at 38:15, better even than pre-surgical best).

I just hope my family and friends stop looking at me like I'm going to fall over dead because I live an active fun and enjoyable lifestyle. I'm not that breakable. And I hate HATE when people make me feel like I can't live my life because I'll hurt myself. That is just not true.

Take away here, I'm awesome :). And I feel spectacular. And if I was allowed to run a marathon right now, I'd totally feel up for it!

Friday, February 26, 2016

Weekend Plans?

The weekend is almost here! I work till 11, so getting there. Tomorrow I'm bringing my little guy to story time at the library. Dr. Seuss on the menu for the little people :).

Then off to clean up the garage and the debris left behind from my most recent project before the dumpster is picked up. Hoping I can do this all myself still being post recovery but I'll just take more trips and carry less weight. 

Saturday night Grandpa is heading over and I'm making up some bacon cheeseburgers for all of us. And then inspect the work that's been done of course!

Sunday I'd really like to get away from the house for a bit, get someone off my mind for awhile. Waking up thinking of someone who isn't thinking of you kind of sucks in the mornings. So if it's nice I'd like to head to the nature center and maybe feed the geese first thing after breakfast. Then they also have an indoor area if it's too cold.

Family meeting with my daughter and her dad in the evening. It's very nice to be able to co-parent so well with my daughter's dad. Never once a fight in the 17 years of her life. We don't agree on everything by any means, but sometimes things are how they are at one house and different at another. Remaining consistent was something we both always tried to do to the best of our abilities and she's turned out to be a pretty amazing girl. 

Not any working out planned for the weekend, tomorrow would be a weight lifting day but the gym daycare area is only open for 4 hours and story time is right in the middle of that. Plus with all the clean up of debris, I should get enough "lifting" in for the weekend anyway!

Have a good weekend everyone!

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

In Recovery! Return to Blogging!

So some of you may have been wondering where I went. I spent about a year being nearly unable to walk but still managed to get to the gym a little anyway. So this January I had back surgery. A microdiscectomy at level L5-S1, herniated by 14mm. I'm seven weeks post op about and at week six I was allowed back in the gym!

Most important thing, despite pain and agony and near death, I still did the Tough Mudder last year. Biggest priority of the year and only thing that was going to stop me was death itself :).

I'm back at the gym and swimming 3 days a week. I managed to maintain swimming last year till about October before I couldn't do that anymore either. My mile record pre-surgy was 39:00 in a saltwater pool. This Monday, 6w6d post op, I was only 40 seconds shy of my pre-surg PR!!! 39:40
Three days a week will be spent in the pool indefinitely. Two days swimming a mile, mid week water aerobics.


Other awesome news, I'm allowed to lift a total of 30 lbs, though I started with 20, two ten pound dumbbells for my first week and decided to stick with that for week two. Upping that at 10 lbs every two weeks though my doc said never with the bar across my shoulders at more than 50 lbs as a lifetime restriction. For this first 6 weeks, Super set 1: wide squats, narrow squats, and deadlifts. Super set 2: Bench press and chest fly's. Super set 3: Split squat, shoulder press, and overhead tricep extension (with just one dumb bell for that last one). All at 15 reps of two sets. Then of course the pull up/dip station with a 70 lb assist for now. Taking it easy you know ;). After that over to the stepper and doing boring boring step ups forward, backward, lateral. My right hip is much weaker than my right and it will take time to get that rebalanced strength. Those are also all 2 sets of 15 reps. 

Followed by the stationary bike for 30 min steady state or intervals depending on my mood. Then stretching for 10-15 min. I used to end with yoga but the scar tissue is currently too irritated to do that. So basic everything stretching. 

At week 10 I'll be allowed to run again starting at half a mile and upping no more than half a mile a week. Training will begin for my 10k this summer and my first half marathon this September followed by the Tough Mudder two weeks after that! 

In more personal news, I was in a great deal of pain nearly all of 2015. I left my very verbally and emotionally abusive ex in 2014. I made some bad choices and attempted to work things out with him very briefly this past year. Part of that was giving up. Depression caused by the pain made me have very little motivation or care much about what happened to me. He threatened to punch me and the police were called. He'd been physically violent with me before and I wasn't going to end up someone's punching bag. We were done. Truthfully we were done before we started. I knew he was not what I wanted and only tried because I felt like I was supposed to. The only thing I can be glad about with trying again with him is that I kept separation even during the trial, he moved back into my house but in a separate bedroom. It didn't take long even with that separation for him to attempt to control me again. I always want to believe people are better than they are and that they learn from their mistakes and wont hurt me again. Truth is people are who they show you they are. 

I've been doing everything as a single parent since my son was born basically and I met someone who I thought was ok with this shortly before my surgery. That person seemed to be everything I wanted and was looking for. A guy who takes care of his kids and cares about what happens to me. Someone who values fitness and clean eating. Who lives his life in a way that meshes well with mine. Someone I could picture growing with and decorating Christmas tree's with every year. This ended, but confirmed two things for me. I do very much know exactly what I want and I don't have to accept less. Ok, I learned something else too, my son is not a complication, he's the best part of me.

I am for the first time in years pain free! And fully happy. It's a good day to be alive :).