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Thursday, May 19, 2016

There's Beauty in Every Day

Sometimes it's just hard to see it. Most of us are overworked, over stressed, and over tired. Some of us are dealing with extremely stressful situations; the loss of a family member, chronic pain, mental illness, financial insecurity... the list goes on. But regardless of how craptastic our lives sometimes get, there really is something beautiful to be seen every day.

Every day on my way to work I drive about an hour. Most days I can appreciate how beautiful the sky is and ignore all the factories and businesses lining the highway. Even at work, I sit here and see the bridge going over the river and the water rippling under it. Or just glancing up at night on my drive home (second shift) and seeing the stars and moon.

But I am very thankful that I have some really beautiful trails I can walk as well. Here's a couple recent pictures :).
 These first two are from the Fox River Trail. It's just an easy trail to run because it's so wide. Taking the large jogging stroller and the dog is easy when passing people.





And this one is from the East River Trail. I even got to see some people Kayaking along the river on this day. It was absolutely beautiful out. I ran four miles on the first trail, and three miles on this one. Just perfect days this past week!





I know sometimes it's difficult to find anything good in a day. Sometimes the world seems dark and horrible and sad. And sometimes it doesn't always seem worth getting out of bed in the morning, but I promise it is. Six months ago it was really really hard for me to see anything good in any day yet every day I actively tried to find something happy and beautiful. Well, I see my awesome kids and they're beautiful but something outside my own life. And looking outside our own lives to find something that shines a little bit to you really helps keep this whole thing we're doing in perspective.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Life Plans? Haha

Is there ever really a plan? I'm not so sure.

I have plans. I have plans to get in super awesome shape. I took a little over a week off with the vacation and a really excessive amount of yard work. Plan was back to it today but we had a parents group event that could NOT be missed! It was the Big Rig Gig in a city really close to us. Lil man got to "drive" semi's, a fire truck, dump truck, garbage truck, and even a police car! He had a great time climbing in and out of all the cool trucks. We missed going in the Humvee but he was way more interested in the semi's.


So tomorrow right? Back to the gym? But nope, I'm doing something way more important. Bringing my son to see his brother. I can't wait for them to have some time together! With their dad being basically absent they really don't see each other ever. It's good that my son's brother's mother wants to hang out with us too! 

Saturday night maybe. After little guy goes to bed, it's pole time for me. Put on the music and just dance. Especially now that my skin is feeling much better from last weekend! A bit burned on the belly, thighs, and chest. No peeling yet so I think I'm in the safe zone :). 

And I have plans to be financially ok. Which is sort of the case. I owe a private loan of a lot of money and a slight amount on my medical that would have been paid off first I didn't have my car break down twice in the last couple months and secondly I could have not gone on my very much needed vacation. 

And I have relationship goals. Well I've had relationship goals since I was 5. And that's probably the most significantly stressful part of life. There is one person in charge of my workout routine generally other than the small ways of activities getting in the way. There is really only one person in charge of my finances other than the unpredictable breakdowns on the car or random home repairs. But there is one thing you will never ever fully know, the mind and heart of another person. I want safety and security in a relationship. And hopefully that is how things will play out but really even after ten years with one person I thought would always be there, he left without warning. Everything can seem doable to you when the other person just wants to walk away because that's what's easier to them. I want what most people want. To wake up next to someone who loves you as much as you love them every single day. Someone who drives you nuts in all the right ways and puts up with your pet peeves and knows the little things that make you smile. Someday maybe. Until then, dating will suck and I'll keep planning my life around me.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Weekend Getaway!

This past weekend was Mothers Day weekend and I'd been having a pretty stressful time about a month ago dealing with an absent father for my son so I decided we'd take a trip away to escape Wisconsin for just a bit :).


We went to Carlsbad, California. We spent a day in San Diego at the zoo and we spent a ton of time sitting next to the ocean the rest of the time! Lil Man loved the sand and the waves. He kept running from them so they wouldn't touch his toes and get his feet wet. And he climbed on the rocks pretending to be a dinosaur and named one of the rocks Petrie for his favorite Land Before Time character.

The little guy was amazing the whole time. He cried twice, when he hurt his knee and when I made him eat the lunch he asked for :). Kids, they're funny sometimes. He has been the easiest traveling companion I've ever traveled with. I don't know that I've ever met such a laid back and easy going kid. And having only a two year old to talk to I was expecting to be really burned out by that by the time we flew back and I wasn't. Did help that I have some awesome friends who texted with me on Saturday! But truly he and I were so busy just enjoying the weekend I didn't have lots of time to text or chat with friends anyway.

This was probably the best weekend I've had in months if not years! I loved my trip in September with my parents but that was before surgery where everything still hurt. This is my first pain free vacation and just being able to fully enjoy it was more than I ever expected I'd be able to do again. I was able to chase my son on the beach and run through the waves with him. At the zoo I decided to forgo a stroller and carried him on my back and shoulders when he didn't want to walk. Things I couldn't have done before. Short months ago even when I was sleeping I was still aware of being in pain. And now this, it really just makes me realize how lucky I am to have a second chance to be alive basically. And I plan to continue to enjoy my life much more and see more of the world than I have before. And I'll see the world alone if I need to, I shall not be stopped!

Here's just a couple pics of us...
At the zoo

Just before Sunset

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Pool Cleaning, Getting Ready for Summer

It's been kind of a nice week and I haven't been able to sleep in the mornings anyway so I figured I'd get a head start on cleaning the pool. It looks so pretty doesn't it! The chemicals mixing with the water made it turn a bit frothy. 

The cover is torn in so many places that it's pretty much useless so the process usually starts with scooping leaves out of the pool for about a week at least. Then adding chemicals. But it just smelled SO BAD! So I added the chemicals first and at least now it doesn't stink :). The chemicals I added I'll basically have to re-add anyway once the leaves are actually out. I usually start this a little later in May to have it opened up by the first week in June and I'm glad I started a little early. The algae isn't nearly as bad on the leaves as I'm scooping them out as it usually is. I'll be working on this thing tomorrow too. 

Thursday though, forget it! Only thing I'm doing Thursday before work is packing for my trip to San Diego! I can't wait! I'm absolutely thrilled to be going :). I wish I had someone going with me though. Next time :). The lack of adult conversation for four days is going to be rough. But the break from work and home is much needed! Last night was absolutely awful at work. I kind of never wanted to return... 

I haven't made it to the gym at all this week. It's been too nice outside to want to be indoors. I'll probably be taking off the rest of the week at the gym too and start back up once I'm back from San Diego. I'll start my new routine then since I'm kind of bored with this one already :(. I'll do a six day per week plan with three days indoors and three days outdoors with no set day each so it'll depend on the weather. One day will probably be swimming instead of three like I've been doing since week six post op unless my pool ever gets warm enough for me to swim in the back yard!




Friday, April 29, 2016

Long Week About to End!

This week has been super long it seems. I've been a bit overwhelmed and stressed about the situation with my son's dad. I missed the gym twice this week. And I just feel so tired. I'm eating fine and drinking a ton of water but I think the stress and uncertainty are taking their toll a bit more this week than usual.

I didn't do my 15 week post op post since I had something more important to say and probably wont do the weekly updates anymore since I'm pretty much feeling like I never had surgery for the past couple weeks. I feel amazing! Well, I am amazing if I do say so myself ;). And other than the weight limit there's nothing really to update and even that will be a long time before there's any change.

I'm looking into what to do for my following six weeks after I finish this program in two weeks. I'd kind of like to do some jump training. I feel like this six weeks should be done already! Not that I'm bored with it because how can one ever get bored of kettlebells? I like that part pretty much best. Just has been a few very busy and very emotionally difficult few weeks. Seeing Kara, personal relationship issues, and then the situation with my son's dad. The next six weeks better be much better than the last six weeks!

Nothing to exciting going on at home. Bathroom was the last big project and now I can relax for a bit before figuring out how much the next one will cost me. And thankfully that project is not inside my house! So it'll be a much cleaner project. Well, two projects; the gutters and then repairing the porch roof.

I'm hoping for a fun filled weekend with friends and a bit of family :).

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Being a Parent

This past Friday I was home with my son. A cute 2 1/2 year old little boy. It was my spring cleaning day and I was cleaning the spare room. The room my sons dad used to use when he lived with us.

My lil guy was in there with me and found something his dad had left behind and said "this is daddy's". He wanted to keep it so since it was breakable we hung it from a nail in his wall in his room. After we hung it up  he started crying and asked when he was going to see his daddy. It was completely heartbreaking. I didn't have an answer for him. The only thing I can tell him is I don't know. Because I don't. I have no idea when his dad will decide that he feels an inclination to see his son.

After he started crying he wanted to go sit in the room that his dad used to stay in. So there we were on the bed in the spare room, my little guy still crying and me hugging him telling him it was ok and rubbing his tiny little back. He calmed down after a little bit and I asked him if he wanted to go play. He said he wanted his cars and he wanted to stay in the room. So I brought him his two cars and he wouldn't leave the room. He just sat there on the bed, still sad but no more tears, playing with his cars.

I've tried to get his dad to see him regularly. He refuses. He tells me I just need to "work with him". You can't work with someone who is basically completely absent. My son needs his dad no matter what kind of person his dad is. And I think it's horrible that all his dad sees is my son's excitement when he finally sees his dad and doesn't have to see the tears in between when he doesn't come around for months. The long gaps and the sudden visits are the most horrible thing his dad can do to him. His dad lives less than 40 min from us and I'd be more than willing to bring him one way or even both just so my son could be happy. But his dad needs to "get his life together" he says and then he'll be ready to see his son. Parenting doesn't work that way. You're a parent whether your life is 100% perfect or 100% a mess or somewhere in between. You don't get to pick anymore.




Friday, April 15, 2016

Little Girls Room

Throw back, found these pictures and had to share them :). 

Over the course of about 40 hours I did this room, first I painted everything white, then I used painters tape to make the grid. Then I painted white over the painters tape to seal it well so the other colors wouldn't bleed through under the tape. 

Then I used a notebook to make a template of the squares to randomly place colors where they wouldn't be same color next to each other. Painted all those and then finally eventually was able to remove the tape. Still needs the crown molding though! I've since repainted the room to re-purpose as a guest room and it still doesn't have the crown molding :). Now it needs to be repainted anyway because it's my son's room and he needs boy colors in there. 

Things I'd change if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably paint three walls a solid color and use only three colors for the squares. Four walls of squares is time consuming AND a little busy. But my daughter loved it for a lot of years.