What could be more stressful than diffusing a live bomb?
Disentangling yourself from a sleeping baby.
Yes, more stressful. First, it's partly because the person disentangling is not just stressed by the situation, but also likely beyond sleep deprived and possibly very badly in need of using a bathroom and about to wet thyself if disentangling doesn't happen.
But, this child is sleeping... ON YOU. Even the smallest twitch of the toe might lead to IMMEDIATE waking and then meltdown of the infant. Screaming and crying will ensue. And it's not JUST a toe you need to twitch, you need to disentangle your WHOLE self. Most likely infant is clinging onto you or your clothing. At least with bomb diffusing you can twitch your toe...
So, step one, if infant is holding onto you or your clothing find a suitable replacement and ever soooooo slowly, slide it between the grasping hand. I find receiving blankets work well when BabyMuddy is grabbing my shirt. Step one can take anywhere from 0 seconds if he's not grabbing for dear life and up to five minutes to pry loose his death grip.
Step two, slowly rotate your whole self and baby until baby is in a position supported by something other than you. Most often baby is clinging my shirt (now hopefully the blanket instead) and resting his shoulder on my head. I rotate from a sitting position to lying on my side being ever so careful to not make any jarring motions or move baby from his position AT ALL. Baby is then also resting on the couch or bed or floor as well as still being against me. Length of step two all depends on baby. If he's sleeping well the rotation is less likely to wake him. Most often taking anywhere from 2-10 minutes.
Step three, remove thyself.
Step three can be the most difficult. Especially if you have entrapped yourself between the object baby is now sort of resting on and the baby. I support baby's butt with my left and his head and back with my right arm. So most often, my right arm now needs to slide out from under baby without waking him. He's a sidesleeper so I slowly move myself away and rotate him from his back to his side and hoping the stars align just right for my luck to not run out before my arm is fully and completely away.
Step four. Back away slowly.
Have you ever heard stories about backing away from an angry bear? Not make any sudden movements and all that? Well, backing away from a sleeping baby is 10 times harder. First, babies are equipped with mom sensors. They know when we've moved more than 6 inches away. If you can leave something with your sent, it might trick baby long enough for you to use the bathroom without him waking and screaming... if you're lucky.
So, step four can be hell. Back away too fast and you could end up back to before step one and bouncing baby back to sleep. Go slowly, if baby moves, HOLD STILL IMMEDIATELY. Sometimes you might have to return to touching baby very lightly and repeating the back away procedure.
Backing away can take the longest of all these steps. It could take another good 10 minutes if it's successful the first time.
Good Luck From,
Another Mom Who Just Wants To Pee Without the Baby Screaming.