My Name Isn't Michael

I'm a woman. I was born female and identify as moderately girly and not particularly masculine.

I have been called Michael instead of my given name. I've had men say that I'm intimidating. I've had guys question my sexuality. I've had former partners leave saying they needed to "learn how to be a man again". I've been told I shouldn't hammer down nails on my deck because it's not girly. Well mister, you going to do it for me? Didn't think so... I've been told I shouldn't know what a jig saw or skill saw is, that I shouldn't own my own tile cutter and circular saw. That those are things for men, not for women.

One of my good friends said I intimidate men because I am a capable woman and men don't know what to do with a woman who knows the difference between a phillips and a flathead. I think she's right to a degree. I think there are still a lot of men out there who think women should sit and look pretty and shut up. I'm not that kind of woman. I'm the kind of woman who looks hot holding an ax. I'm the kind of woman who will tell you my opinion on just about anything. And I'm the kind of woman who will call you out for trying to fit me into your stereotypical gender box.

I think all people regardless of their gender identifiers should have some basic knowledge of how to handle stuff. The basics of unclogging a toilet, turning off the water supply, and the difference between screwdrivers. Besides how would a woman change batteries in her kids toys without knowing what kind of screwdriver to use? All the damn things now are screwed down because some kid somewhere ate a damn battery! Whats next. Seriously.

I'm proud of my ability to build a custom closet insert for the kids to have their own locker like space. I'm happy I can sledgehammer down an awful tile shower to save myself hundreds if not a thousand dollars on home repairs. That money is better used elsewhere. I'm grateful I know basic plumbing to put in new sinks and faucets. I like that I know how to use a steamer to remove atrocious wallpaper. It's awesome that I can clean my own gutters. I love that I put in my own carpet. I'm not afraid to use an ax to split a log while wearing a dress and heels (Okay, that day I was wearing flat sandals). I'm glad my dad taught me the basics of doing things for yourself. The ability to do any of those things does NOT make me a man or masculine. It makes me a woman who is capable of handling her shit.

I'm also proud that I can braid my own hair, do my own highlights, organize a dinner for 25 people, host family gatherings, and so many other things. I love dancing, picking out throw pillows, doing fun activities with the kids, getting massages, and so much more. These things don't make me feminine either though. 

There's been lots of times I've had a man in my life. And there's been lots of times I'll ask them to do something for me. Not because I can't do it, but usually because I have no desire to do it. And eventually it seems I end up doing it myself anyway. I'm not the girl who's going to nag you 1,000,000 times to flip the screen to the top of the door and the glass to the bottom. No, I'm the girl that will ask twice then do it my own self. I hate when the kids push on the screen and I have to fix the screen ten times in a summer. And I would love a guy in my life who would see his kids do that and correct it himself. I'd love a guy who would sand the stairs with me. Or put up a fence with me. Or paint the kitchen with me. But they say, no I'm not going to help because I can't do it as well as you. Well how do you think I learned? By doing it myself. And I'd love the help. Or at least someone to hang out with me while I do it myself if it has to be that way.

I feel that the last guy I dated didn't want me to teach his daughter it's okay to use a hammer. He wanted me to paint her nails. I love painting nails. She however is rarely patient enough for that and would rather play cars with my son. I used to do my nails every single Sunday with my daughter. But that doesn't mean I didn't teach my daughter about tools too. I felt that he didn't want his daughter to think it's okay to use a saw and build something for herself. He wanted me to clean the house and do my hair. That's the example I was supposed to be. I'm not your 1950's housewife. I'm not opposed to being a housewife. My day would look like this: Kids to school. Me to the gym. Walk the dog. Get a massage. Clean a bit. See what's needed to be done on the to do list. Mow the lawn. Replace the cabinet handles and latches. Get the kids. Make the dinner. Some days I' might sit on my butt and do nothing. If I were a stay at home wife, my steps would be refinished right now and I'd be working on my hardwood floors next. I'd be at the gym. I'd get my hair done and nails done too. Power tools and painted nails are not mutually exclusive. Though I can't paint my nails because of my job so toenails it has to be ;).

Men who are secure in who they are as a man aren't offended by my ability to use a power tool. Many of them think it's awesome too. Men who think boys shouldn't play the clarinet and should only play the tuba or "manly" instruments are the one's who are intimidated. A secure guy isn't going to feel less of a man because of the instrument he loves. A secure man isn't going to feel less because his woman can fix a sink faster than him. Tubas, trucks, big muscles, and sports don't make a man manly. It's all about attitude and presentation. I can look quite feminine holding that saw. Or I could look masculine holding it depending on my attitude, overall appearance, and how I present myself overall to the world. And a man can look quite feminine bending over the hood of a car to check the oil too. Depends on more factors than what you have hanging between your legs.

My name is Michelle. I am feminine even when holding a circular saw or a 110 lb barbell. I am exactly who I was meant to be.