9 Weeks Yesterday!

It was a super busy night at work but I really wanted to post on the week marks. Yesterday was week nine since my microdiscectomy at level L5-S1. It's been 5 weeks since I've been back to work and 3 weeks back in the gym.

How are things going? Work, well I'm already sick of being back! I love my job though, truly. I have an amazing job and work with great people. Really can't ask for more. Except maybe for everyone to NOT get sick at the same time. Space it out people!

And in the gym, things are going fantastic! I'm swimming a mile a couple days a week and the water aerobics on Wednesday. On Wednesday I do a ton of leg stuff in the water to help balance my hip strength. My right hip was significantly weaker when I first started out in the gym. Today, I have no more pain in my gluteus while working out or after and the muscle fatigue sets in about 80% of the way through the workout in the right hip and thigh rather than at the beginning of my workout. My right is still weaker, however it's probably close to 80% strength of my left hip and thigh now.

The weight lifting, I'm lifting my 15 lb dumbells (total of 30 lbs) yet this week. Doing lots of step ups as well after my weight lifting routine below, copied from my earlier post when I returned to blogging :)

For this first 6 weeks, Super set 1: wide squats, narrow squats, and deadlifts. 

Super set 2: Bench press and chest fly's. 

Super set 3: Split squat, shoulder press, and overhead tricep extension (with just one dumb bell for that last one). All at 15 reps of two sets. 

Then of course the pull up/dip station (changed to a 55 lb assist from 70)

 After that over to the stepper and doing boring boring step ups forward, backward, lateral. 

Those are also all 2 sets of 15 reps. 

My routine as above is going for this week and an additional two weeks after that. Week 12 I'll probably steal a routine from New Rules of Lifting (the men's version). Next week I'm very excited about something. I GET TO RUN AGAIN!!!! So my plan is to add in a half mile of running on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I start an hour later at work those days so it'll be easier to run with the extra time. 

I really can't wait to start running again and registration just opened for my first half that I'm doing in September. I need to register for that as well as for my 10k in June. It really is awesome to have my body back. I had it taken away for so long with the pain and now, just the absolute joy I feel waking up in the morning, it's pretty great. 

Another Weekend Gone

But not wasted!

My kitchen chairs arrived Thursday so Friday when I got home from work I finished assembling them. So nice to have actual kitchen chairs since I sawed off the legs of a table to make it short enough for my kitchen (it was the counter height previously). And I only bought that table to get the chairs they refused to sell without the table. So it was a craft table until I hated my kitchen table and gave it away because I couldn't look at it for one more moment. Then I had no table and no chairs in my kitchen. Some days are like that, I just dislike something and one day I wake up and decide I'm done. Irrevocably. And that glass topped table, I hated that thing. And the awful custom tile shower I sledgehammered. Couldn't do one more day.

One of my friends came and kept me company Saturday night while I removed glue from my bathroom walls. I managed to only have 5 steam burns from the steamer. Calling that a win! And came off much better than with the chemical remover. I have about four hours of wallpaper glue removal left I think. It's a boring process and wish I had more friends to hang with while I did the rest. My little guy helped by watching and sitting on the step ladder ;). He's too cute! Overall, about 6 hours Saturday night, another 4 hours on Sunday. Getting there! Next weekend finishing that and ripping up the floor. Big plans!

And made it to the gym Saturday for an amazing workout. After the workout I brought Lil Man into the pool with me. He had a great time splashing and playing and jumping off the edge and into my arms. No one else was in there so we weren't disturbing any lap swimmers :). Visited my aunt as well and even managed to clean my car.

Sunday had my dad and daughter over for dinner. Cajun chicken linguni. No where near as good as what they serve at Red Lobster, but it'll do :). Lil Man loved playing with Big Sister, he was waiting for her to get done with work all day long. Dad fixed the J channels for the mirrors in the bathroom before dinner too. So much to do yet in there... Then finally everyone left at almost 11pm and I was able to take MY first bath in the bathtub! Very enjoyable!

This morning I did a mile in the pool, it was very busy. Two per lane and when doing the side stroke and breast stroke sometimes the person on the inside of the lane, their foot goes under the line and onto the other side. Really happens ALL THE TIME. I've been kicked more times than I can count. It happens in a small lap pool like that. Today, I was doing the side stroke facing away from the center line. The guy on the other side was a really quiet swimmer and with the side stroke, I couldn't see him. I ended up kicking him 3 times. At the end of the lane when we were both there I apologized, because well, crap happens but still nice to say sorry. And he goes into this tirade of how I should be more careful and that I could kick someone in the head and that he knows it's not his fault because he was on his side of the line and that I kicked him 5 times (It was 3!) and I need to have more control of my swimming... 

Jerk, I said sorry. Move on. And yeah, predominantly my fault because I did kick him. But I am NOT an uncontrolled swimmer! When I hear someone close (or see them if I can see them), I minimize my kick until we pass, that minimizing is restrictive and less controlled. And when someone is doing the breast stroke on the other side of the line and I'm swimming, I watch for them too. He clearly was not making any effort to avoid being kicked. Can't see you, quiet swimmer so can't hear you... So, yeah. And I was making a ton of effort to attempt to avoid him. In all the miles of swimming I've done he's the only person I've kicked more than once and I very VERY rarely kick anyone. I'm more often kicked than the one kicking people. He was new to the pool, well I haven't seen him before anyway. But I can guarantee that if he doesn't also make an effort to avoid being kicked, he's going to get kicked by more than just me :). And I'll feel vindicated!

No dating life to update. Thinking if I don't accidentally meet someone at Menards in the next few months, maybe after my half marathon and Tough Mudder in September and October, and hopefully a trip to Florida or San Diego in October, then when that's all done, I might consider re-opening a dating profile. Maybe. Or maybe not. I really don't want to do random dating. I want to like someone and have it just happen. But well, where would I meet someone? Wait around in the veggie area at the store for a guy carrying a basket instead of pushing a cart? Has to be veggies, want a healthy guy. Basket implies single. Or ask a guy at Menards to help fix something? You'd think a guy fixing his own place would at least be generally stable. Eh, someday... 

In My Own Head

Just some random thoughts tonight, I swim about 3 times a week for about a mile. That ends up being about two and a half hours a week with basically no noise. I don't have the sweet headphones for underwater and really kind of like the silence. Silence is divine some days.

While swimming I've decided I'm not nuts ;). If I can spend that long every week inside my own head without distractions I'm either perfectly sane or too crazy to know it. I'm leaning toward sane since nothing else in my life is particularly crazy.

When I clean at home I should not listen to music either. I ended up dancing with my broom for an hour the other night... and the floor did NOT get swept! Then I realized I had spent an hour dancing with a broom. Maybe that puts me in the crazy category? Or not. Maybe everyone dances with their broom?

And when at the gym, they always have music. And sometimes my song comes on and I want to dance. Which is Not Cool in the gym anyway. I do love to dance :). Maybe my son will love to dance, my daughter doesn't. I should add dancing to my criteria for my future possible boyfriend. Dancing should almost be a dealbreaker. However at the gym, it is frowned upon to dump the weights and start jamming out.

And today my son had his first bath at home!!!! You may remember my previous post about showering my son because we had no bathtub? Well, now we have a bathtub and he loved it! I can't wait for my turn :). With a book, a wine cooler, and candles.

Ok, think that's all my random thoughts for tonight. It's been a crazy busy night at work, took me all night to write this, but it's a good day. I might do some dancing when I get home yet, work on my vertical barre routine (to be pc apparently that's how you're supposed to say pole dance fitness). 

Have a good night world!

You're Stronger Than You Think You Are

I was talking to a patient last night at work who is in a domestic situation. Verbal and emotional abuse, manipulation. And cheating. He's classic, tells her she should be grateful. I've heard those same things myself. He's not violent physically so she's not seeing it for what it is, abuse.

She was having trouble talking about what's going on at home, trying to justify his actions. She's a smart girl, putting herself through college. Had her first young like I did. I saw too much of myself in her. And I'm sure she feels stuck having 3 kids (two older and one toddler) to take care of, the youngest being his. I could practically see it. I shared briefly my situation and she opened up a ton more about hers. I can see her reluctance to leave. She's in the cycle and she can't see clearly yet. I think this one will, I think she'll get out. I just wish it was ethical to just hug a patient and tell her she can do this and she's stronger than she thinks she is. Well, I did tell her that part. And told her abuse isn't always physical. And just because it's not as bad as someone else's situation doesn't make what he's doing ok either.

Women in the cycle of abuse have tons of ways to justify. He's not always like that. He's having a bad day. He's not as bad as my friend/sister/random strangers husband. The kids need him. There's a million excuses to stay.

I have good family support, but they can only do so much. And most of us lie to our families for so long to make it not seem so bad. Leaving an abusive situation takes more strength and determination than most people realize. And I left it when I was barely able to walk. And the first time I left him he seemed like he got his life together and I took him back. I hadn't fully broken free from the cycle. I see that now. And this girl hasn't either. She is strong, and she is smart, and seems pretty damn amazing if you ask me in the brief time I was able to spend with her. She realizes the relationship is not good. I knew mine was toxic. I feel very hopeful for her.

As I was leaving her room she said "You seem so strong". I told her that I wasn't strong because I want to be, but because I have to be.

I spent years with an emotionally absent husband in a sexless marriage then spent a couple more with a controlling, manipulative narcissist. I've only over the last two years really learned what healthy relationships are and are not thanks to a great awesome group of ladies online. I actually thought my emotionally absent husband and I had a good marriage... Maybe you ladies read my blog, maybe you don't, but thank you all so much. You have no idea how much even just reading helped me. And I hope that as I meet patients in a situation like I was in I can give them the same encouragement and hope for a good future that I now have. I am happy with my life and I just want the same for these girls (and guys as well) who have yet to break free.

Recovery Muscle Soreness is NORMAL

Busy weekend this past weekend. My dad came over and we got all the debris out of the bathroom and I cleaned my garage. Tossed a bunch of stuff in the dumpster before the guys putting in my tub have it picked up. Then I removed a bit of wallpaper glue (wallpaper is down). Sunday the Wildlife Center and some more glue removal.

And my back muscles are sore. I know I just had surgery less than 8 weeks ago, I get this and completely understand it. Most of this soreness is just general I haven't used these muscles properly in years kind of pains. The hard part is knowing what kind of pain is actually "normal". And when I'm overdoing things. It's been so long since I've had "normal" pain and I'm not sure that I recognize it well. This weekend was good because I know that everything I did was within acceptable lifting ranges and this should be considered "normal".

I have to know that I don't have to be terrified that every time I have soreness that I've re-injured myself, because I haven't. I have to know that when I say something hurts (like my erector spinae muscles that were ruthlessly pulled aside during surgery) that other people will worry that I'm somehow damaged again and I'm not. When in reality those muscles are just gaining strength again and like any muscle gaining strength I'm going to feel muscle soreness. You feel it in your biceps after doing a trillion bicep curls, I'll feel it where my muscles are weaker and are still gaining strength too. It's the normal process of building strength and muscle regardless of the location of the muscle.

I'm not damaged and doing normal everyday things will not suddenly damage me. I can ride my bike this summer and lean forward while dragging the bike trailer behind for my little guy. I'll soon be able to run/jog again. And hell, tonight I'm going home and doing some kickboxing on my heavy bag even though I swam a mile this morning (And new PR at 38:15, better even than pre-surgical best).

I just hope my family and friends stop looking at me like I'm going to fall over dead because I live an active fun and enjoyable lifestyle. I'm not that breakable. And I hate HATE when people make me feel like I can't live my life because I'll hurt myself. That is just not true.

Take away here, I'm awesome :). And I feel spectacular. And if I was allowed to run a marathon right now, I'd totally feel up for it!

Weekend Plans?

The weekend is almost here! I work till 11, so getting there. Tomorrow I'm bringing my little guy to story time at the library. Dr. Seuss on the menu for the little people :).

Then off to clean up the garage and the debris left behind from my most recent project before the dumpster is picked up. Hoping I can do this all myself still being post recovery but I'll just take more trips and carry less weight. 

Saturday night Grandpa is heading over and I'm making up some bacon cheeseburgers for all of us. And then inspect the work that's been done of course!

Sunday I'd really like to get away from the house for a bit, get someone off my mind for awhile. Waking up thinking of someone who isn't thinking of you kind of sucks in the mornings. So if it's nice I'd like to head to the nature center and maybe feed the geese first thing after breakfast. Then they also have an indoor area if it's too cold.

Family meeting with my daughter and her dad in the evening. It's very nice to be able to co-parent so well with my daughter's dad. Never once a fight in the 17 years of her life. We don't agree on everything by any means, but sometimes things are how they are at one house and different at another. Remaining consistent was something we both always tried to do to the best of our abilities and she's turned out to be a pretty amazing girl. 

Not any working out planned for the weekend, tomorrow would be a weight lifting day but the gym daycare area is only open for 4 hours and story time is right in the middle of that. Plus with all the clean up of debris, I should get enough "lifting" in for the weekend anyway!

Have a good weekend everyone!

In Recovery! Return to Blogging!

So some of you may have been wondering where I went. I spent about a year being nearly unable to walk but still managed to get to the gym a little anyway. So this January I had back surgery. A microdiscectomy at level L5-S1, herniated by 14mm. I'm seven weeks post op about and at week six I was allowed back in the gym!

Most important thing, despite pain and agony and near death, I still did the Tough Mudder last year. Biggest priority of the year and only thing that was going to stop me was death itself :).

I'm back at the gym and swimming 3 days a week. I managed to maintain swimming last year till about October before I couldn't do that anymore either. My mile record pre-surgy was 39:00 in a saltwater pool. This Monday, 6w6d post op, I was only 40 seconds shy of my pre-surg PR!!! 39:40
Three days a week will be spent in the pool indefinitely. Two days swimming a mile, mid week water aerobics.

Other awesome news, I'm allowed to lift a total of 30 lbs, though I started with 20, two ten pound dumbbells for my first week and decided to stick with that for week two. Upping that at 10 lbs every two weeks though my doc said never with the bar across my shoulders at more than 50 lbs as a lifetime restriction. For this first 6 weeks, Super set 1: wide squats, narrow squats, and deadlifts. Super set 2: Bench press and chest fly's. Super set 3: Split squat, shoulder press, and overhead tricep extension (with just one dumb bell for that last one). All at 15 reps of two sets. Then of course the pull up/dip station with a 70 lb assist for now. Taking it easy you know ;). After that over to the stepper and doing boring boring step ups forward, backward, lateral. My right hip is much weaker than my right and it will take time to get that rebalanced strength. Those are also all 2 sets of 15 reps. 

Followed by the stationary bike for 30 min steady state or intervals depending on my mood. Then stretching for 10-15 min. I used to end with yoga but the scar tissue is currently too irritated to do that. So basic everything stretching. 

At week 10 I'll be allowed to run again starting at half a mile and upping no more than half a mile a week. Training will begin for my 10k this summer and my first half marathon this September followed by the Tough Mudder two weeks after that! 

In more personal news, I was in a great deal of pain nearly all of 2015. I left my very verbally and emotionally abusive ex in 2014. I made some bad choices and attempted to work things out with him very briefly this past year. Part of that was giving up. Depression caused by the pain made me have very little motivation or care much about what happened to me. He threatened to punch me and the police were called. He'd been physically violent with me before and I wasn't going to end up someone's punching bag. We were done. Truthfully we were done before we started. I knew he was not what I wanted and only tried because I felt like I was supposed to. The only thing I can be glad about with trying again with him is that I kept separation even during the trial, he moved back into my house but in a separate bedroom. It didn't take long even with that separation for him to attempt to control me again. I always want to believe people are better than they are and that they learn from their mistakes and wont hurt me again. Truth is people are who they show you they are. 

I've been doing everything as a single parent since my son was born basically and I met someone who I thought was ok with this shortly before my surgery. That person seemed to be everything I wanted and was looking for. A guy who takes care of his kids and cares about what happens to me. Someone who values fitness and clean eating. Who lives his life in a way that meshes well with mine. Someone I could picture growing with and decorating Christmas tree's with every year. This ended, but confirmed two things for me. I do very much know exactly what I want and I don't have to accept less. Ok, I learned something else too, my son is not a complication, he's the best part of me.

I am for the first time in years pain free! And fully happy. It's a good day to be alive :).