Tom Cruise will NEVER be Jack Reacher

My stepdad and I are Reacher aficionado's. We were both generally against watching the Jack Reacher movie because we both felt Cruise was a poor choice for Reacher.

But Netflix, oh Netflix, kept sending me emails that it was available and putting it in my "things you'd like" category. So last night while tightening my boyfriends dreadlocks I broke down and watched it. And I was disappointed.

First of all, Jack is a tall guy. Think like 6'5" or something like that. Tom is short. In fact he's shorter than most the other actors. They could have had him stand on a box or something! Or they could have cast all really really short people.

Jack is broad shouldered with long arms and very fit. Tom... he's just... not.

Then there's the bar scene. First, Jack I think is a generally nice guy. He would be kind in turning down a woman. At least in my mind. He tells the girl she's a... well, it's not a family friendly word. And then the fight that ensues. He tells them to go pay their bill first. He just DOES NOT look imposing! AT ALL!!!

And YES!!! I'm YELLING!!!

I'm so irritated with that whole fight. He barely reaches the height of the guys who's butt's he's supposed to be kicking. Again, he is just not an imposing figure. He kicks their butts, but only because the book dictates he's supposed to. A few well placed hits and everyone is down or runs off. They show him hitting those perfect spots. But part of the reason Reacher can take down his opponents so well is his height and long arms, not just knowing where to hit.

Then, the absolute worst scene in the whole movie, the hotel. The lawyer and Cruise (who is not Reacher) are in the hotel together. If you've read the books, then you know that there is supposed to be an underlying current and attraction between the two. It is sooooo not there. The lawyer says "put your shirt on" and she's supposed to be saying it like "oh Jack, you're so super sexy and I can't concentrate so put your shirt on". But how it's really said is like "Mr. Cruise, you just do not have an attractive body and it's kind of gross so just put a shirt on". They next attempt to salvage the scene. Tom tells the lawyer that he needs sleep and so does she. She says something like "you don't expect I'll be sleeping here" as he indicates he means for her to drive off. It just comes across as awkward.

So if anyone is wondering why this movie didn't make it big, blame Tom Cruise. And I'm not sure how much input the author had, Lee Child, but if he agreed willingly to this fiasco of casting Cruise as Reacher, well, he should just have known better.