Long Week About to End!

This week has been super long it seems. I've been a bit overwhelmed and stressed about the situation with my son's dad. I missed the gym twice this week. And I just feel so tired. I'm eating fine and drinking a ton of water but I think the stress and uncertainty are taking their toll a bit more this week than usual.

I didn't do my 15 week post op post since I had something more important to say and probably wont do the weekly updates anymore since I'm pretty much feeling like I never had surgery for the past couple weeks. I feel amazing! Well, I am amazing if I do say so myself ;). And other than the weight limit there's nothing really to update and even that will be a long time before there's any change.

I'm looking into what to do for my following six weeks after I finish this program in two weeks. I'd kind of like to do some jump training. I feel like this six weeks should be done already! Not that I'm bored with it because how can one ever get bored of kettlebells? I like that part pretty much best. Just has been a few very busy and very emotionally difficult few weeks. Seeing Kara, personal relationship issues, and then the situation with my son's dad. The next six weeks better be much better than the last six weeks!

Nothing to exciting going on at home. Bathroom was the last big project and now I can relax for a bit before figuring out how much the next one will cost me. And thankfully that project is not inside my house! So it'll be a much cleaner project. Well, two projects; the gutters and then repairing the porch roof.

I'm hoping for a fun filled weekend with friends and a bit of family :).

Being a Parent

This past Friday I was home with my son. A cute 2 1/2 year old little boy. It was my spring cleaning day and I was cleaning the spare room. The room my sons dad used to use when he lived with us.

My lil guy was in there with me and found something his dad had left behind and said "this is daddy's". He wanted to keep it so since it was breakable we hung it from a nail in his wall in his room. After we hung it up  he started crying and asked when he was going to see his daddy. It was completely heartbreaking. I didn't have an answer for him. The only thing I can tell him is I don't know. Because I don't. I have no idea when his dad will decide that he feels an inclination to see his son.

After he started crying he wanted to go sit in the room that his dad used to stay in. So there we were on the bed in the spare room, my little guy still crying and me hugging him telling him it was ok and rubbing his tiny little back. He calmed down after a little bit and I asked him if he wanted to go play. He said he wanted his cars and he wanted to stay in the room. So I brought him his two cars and he wouldn't leave the room. He just sat there on the bed, still sad but no more tears, playing with his cars.

I've tried to get his dad to see him regularly. He refuses. He tells me I just need to "work with him". You can't work with someone who is basically completely absent. My son needs his dad no matter what kind of person his dad is. And I think it's horrible that all his dad sees is my son's excitement when he finally sees his dad and doesn't have to see the tears in between when he doesn't come around for months. The long gaps and the sudden visits are the most horrible thing his dad can do to him. His dad lives less than 40 min from us and I'd be more than willing to bring him one way or even both just so my son could be happy. But his dad needs to "get his life together" he says and then he'll be ready to see his son. Parenting doesn't work that way. You're a parent whether your life is 100% perfect or 100% a mess or somewhere in between. You don't get to pick anymore.

 

 

 

3/24/2018

Update on this post.

My lil guy sees his dad every other weekend now. From Friday till Sunday late afternoon. To get this agreement I waived child support. My son's wellbeing is more important than any dollar amount. Some days are rough, paying for all his expenses without assistance, but I'll manage. His dad is still difficult to work with but hopefully as this guy gets older he'll step up to bringing him to swimming lessons and sports practices and games. So far as long as I don't ask his dad to do anything other than spend time with him that he sometimes sleeps through, everything is fine. There's no bedtime there and structure sucks. I worry while they're together but my son no longer cries because Daddy didn't show up. It's about as much progress as can be made. 

Little Girls Room

Throw back, found these pictures and had to share them :). 

Over the course of about 40 hours I did this room, first I painted everything white, then I used painters tape to make the grid. Then I painted white over the painters tape to seal it well so the other colors wouldn't bleed through under the tape. 

Then I used a notebook to make a template of the squares to randomly place colors where they wouldn't be same color next to each other. Painted all those and then finally eventually was able to remove the tape. Still needs the crown molding though! I've since repainted the room to re-purpose as a guest room and it still doesn't have the crown molding :). Now it needs to be repainted anyway because it's my son's room and he needs boy colors in there. 

Things I'd change if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably paint three walls a solid color and use only three colors for the squares. Four walls of squares is time consuming AND a little busy. But my daughter loved it for a lot of years. 

Two Days of Bad Workouts

Yesterday was my swimming day and the water was so warm. I could barely do the tempo swims, my return lap was 23-24. Usually it's closer to 19-20, 21 max when I get tired toward the end. So halfway through the mile I switched and just did some sidestroke and backstroke.

Today was weight lifting day and I just couldn't do it. I got in there and did the first half of the weight lifting and just felt too drained to do the other half. I think I didn't drink enough water yesterday. I feel just more tired than I should because I slept well last night so probably lack of fluids. Upping the fluids today and I'm going to try to do the rest of what I missed this morning for the weights and then get my mile tempo swim in. That and I'm still mildly emotional, had to make another tough decision regarding my personal life and that's weighing on me today too besides the lingering emotions from the past weekend.

My work life however is about to improve! There was a meeting yesterday and I'm switching to days, which we knew since last September but I am apparently irreplaceable ;). But finally my replacement is here, still a student, and still will need to be trained on my shift. By June 27th it sounds like she should be taking over my shift if all goes as planned. And I can't wait! Days!!! It'll be a huge change for me and I have a pretty set morning schedule so reorganizing my day will be interesting. After over 5 years on this shift I feel like it's changing my entire lifestyle to switch to days. That and with switching my personal relationships may become more involved. Working the same shift as my family, meeting with them at night, I expect to be much busier. Now when I want to go to the gym everyone's working so no one is asking to see me or hang out. That will change with this. It'll be nice to see friends more hopefully that I've not been able to see very regularly for awhile though! And I'll just have to utilize my basement more for my weight lifting workouts after my little man goes to bed.

14 Weeks Already?! And Adoption

I don't even know where the last week went. Seriously I jumped from 12-13-14 without really noticing it! Training plan is at a standstill for weights basically. I'm at where I'll be for a little bit.

Quick update, everything's great :). Right paraspinals are still getting occasionally sore and some mild right sacroilliac irritation but that's much better after seeing my Sports Chiropractor Guy the past two Mondays. Not much change from week 13 so lets get to the rest of my life!

Missed the gym a couple times in the past week, family time comes first. I had my biological daughter this weekend. I am a biological mother in an open adoption. In Wisconsin open adoptions are not legally binding. When I birthed my daughter and placed her into the arms of another mother I had to hope that they would keep up with what they agreed to. And they have gone above and beyond that.

For the past couple years twice a year I've had my biological daughter in my home overnight WITHOUT her parents! Yes, you read that right. I can truthfully say I've never heard of this situation with minor adoptees happening with any of the other biological or adoptive parents that I associate with. Having all my kids under one roof is emotionally overwhelming. It's truly amazing and surreal and at the same time very sad. I know the next day she goes home, to her parents. Her real parents, the one's that raised her and taught her all she knows and took care of her when she got hurt and sick. I've missed those things and seeing her in my home reminds me of the things I never got to do with her. That pain of that reminder is no where near the joy of seeing her laugh and smile and drive her big sister crazy and chase her little brother around the house. I am very grateful that I get to have these moments with her. She got to chill with  her cousins too and hang with the grandparents. She met her paternal grandfather for the first time.

It usually takes me a couple days to emotionally recover from seeing her, even when we didn't keep her overnight. Not just because I'm sad, but because I'm happy too. I know that she is who she is because of the decision all her parents made nearly 12 years ago. Us and them. They chose this path as did we and we share an amazing little girl because of it.

No More Pictures Mom!!

Post Op 13 Weeks!

The usual weekly update...

Brief history, microdiscectomy on L5-S1 for a 1.5 cm herniation and bulging disc on Jan 5 of this year.

The tempo swims are going awesome. I'm getting the half lap back done in 20 seconds or less typically. I really hope for an awesome under 30 minute mile when I do my next mile swim for time. I would need to shave about 7 seconds per lap to do that and I think that will be very close to do-able :).

The weights are going well. The SHELCS are killing my hamstrings and my balance still isn't great coming back down from those but I'll get there. The hip weakness on the right makes the balance a bit off. It's really close, close enough on the step ups and doing pretty much everything else, but trying to lower my booty back to the ground when doing those requires pretty good control with both hips equally. That is not yet the case.

Continuing with the 40 lb assist on the pullup/dips but soon I'll be upping from three sets of six to three sets of eight.

And kettlebells, day one I had a couple kettlebell kisses but it'd been months since I did snatches. Since the first day no more bruised wrists!

I'm running two miles now, it's difficult definitely but last nights two mile run was much easier than the mile and a half last week. I might also be better hydrated, really trying to keep up on that particularly when running after work.

Other random things I'm down a full 14 lbs since my surgery. To go to what I've always considered my "normal" is now only 5-7 lbs away (varied day to day by those couple pounds). Very exciting! I'll be trying on the clothes I have stored very soon! My wonderful sister will be telling me what to keep and what to toss. She's awesome!

I've still had a little bit of lower back pain, still I think lingering from the shoveling the other day. But much MUCH improved and now not so bad in the mornings, only after I start doing things. I thought maybe it was the running, but last night running made absolutely no difference so shoveling it must have been. I could really go for an awesome massage though! Really miss those.

Weekend!

It's going to be an insanely busy one but I'm excited for it anyway!

By the end of this weekend my bathroom WILL be done. At any cost, even if I don't sleep at all. Sort of like last weekend. I'm also meeting my bff for dinner Saturday and stopping by my sisters. Sunday meeting someone new and we'll see how that goes.

I didn't manage to get my second tempo swim of the week done today, exhaustion set in and I spent my morning watching cartoons with the little man on the couch. Tomorrow though after bringing my car to the shop I'll be heading to the gym. Thankfully it's in walking distance! And I'll be hoping it doesn't take all day to get finished. Or too expensive. My San Diego trip needs my cash not by car!

I missed my run last night too, my mile and a half. So I'll be doing that after work tonight. I ended up getting out of work about 40 min late. And that 40 min is a huge difference when working second shift till 11pm. But then I stayed up too late watching netflix in bed on my phone. Working on the Daredevil season two.

Tonight my run and depending on how tired I am, get caught up on some housecleaning for a few minutes. At least get the dishes done and the living room vacuumed would be a good start.

And my lower back is feeling much better tonight. Since the heavy snow this past Thursday it's been a bit sore. A whole week later and finally mostly relief :).

I hope you all have a good weekend too. I'll hopefully be less tired for my next update and have something worthwhile to talk about!